The Battlefield of the Pacifists

There’s a battle raging through my head,

So much that it knocked me off my bed.

There’s a war raging through the thoughts;

Diverse and dismayed neither I can sort.

 

Haste is the time that spent wasting

Entertained by such pacifistic maiming.

Ideating the norm and realizing the storm

had just started as I shut the squirm.

 

Conscience speaks the threat at hand,

the head does not agree the time it spanned.

Where there are more things on heaven and earth;

there are more dreadforth than my brain sports.

 

The enemy lurks the darkness in me,

passing by the realm of my inability.

I had to open eyes wide to invite the Light

while at the same time shut from plain sight.

 

Recall the Words spoken to me,

realize there is much for me to see.

The villain emerge from the dark of the moon -

the cerebral crater dormant from the day’s form

 

“You – are not – real.

You are just a figment;

an imagination, a fantasy,

one that I let you haunt me.”

 

The One I know died for,

Lived and loved me through the core.

Lies no longer seem redemptive nor elegant nor sped;

Flee not the grace and flee the grave though instead.

 

Jolt to wake myself up,

admonition that all along I was held at a stop.

The battle becomes the sleep yet decided;

settled more for the Love had invited.

Identity Crisis[?]

Well, it took me more than a year to write again something out from my heart. With the past few months of rollercoaster faith and trials the last resort would be me pouring out on digital paper all my thoughts.

 

I could write about the condition of my heart, how God had made my vision clear or the promises that He is in store for me. I can have the liberty to break down such into writing as writing itself is one of my fortes if not neglected by the subtle qualms of vision; that said, I can say is that writing is not my identity.

 

You see, given the time that I reflect back what I missed and things to ponder on. What caught more attention than my misgivings in life and the focuses that I need to heed is my identity. To which, to whom and to what am I identifiable?

 

What is an identity? Webster tells us that it is the distinguishing character or personality of an individual. If so, then I a identifiable with a lot of things!

 

I can be identifiable with writing, sure it shaped my college life through campus journalism but I’ll admit it is not my identity. Drawing, CAD, layouts, graphics, multimedia… you name it, computers and gadgets… yes, some of you may know me with that but it’s not my identity.

 

People used to call me, ‘Makoy’ the nickname I wanted people to call me when I was on the third year of High School. Other nicknames that stuck too were Maki, Mak and just plain, Mark Allen. But for the name Makoy, our youth pastor suggested that I halted such name usage and opted to the more simpler, Mark. Such justification was that people would not take me seriously as it is a tad homonym to kenkoy and synonymous in forms as well. Before I finish this paragraph; I strongly disagree that you reader would call me in that name. EVER. It may seem that I was trying to change an identity (a matter of fact, some profess that the name does not carry the destiny of the person – I beg to differ), let’s just leave it at that… and guess what, my name is just a piece of my identity — for identication. It’s not my identity.

 

While we are at the subject of names, surely the last names have a massive presence of identity in it. Think of a prominent name in the country and you’ll associate them with wealth, prestige and success. While being proud in carrying my father’s name and thankful to God with such wonderful parents, society in general emphasizes the weight of every surname given to any child. It will matter to anyone no matter how short or long, confusing or simple surnames we have. I carry a decent surname in society’s eyes and is proud of jotting it down on forms but that too is not my identity.

 

Lastly, I too am identifiable with the people I know. “Ah, ikaw yung anak ni ganito di ba?” “Ahhh… so kaopisina mo pala si ganyan…”  ”Oooh, ayan yung ex ni ano di ba?”

 

 

 Yes, I am identified with the relationships I have now, past or present and the coming handshakes and referrals. It’s easy to brandish “identity” with another person. I’d notice people refer to others“Ay si ano, sila ni ano di ba?”

Stereotypes pop in here and there because people impose identity, change their personality to suit a good identity… a good name. Identity crisis.

 

As I seem to diverge to the inherent pangs of society, on how some have lost the grasp of reality into stirring a chastised view of misidentity. Let me conclude with one thing that I quite know of the past 7 years and that He reminded me of recently; that my identity is in Christ Jesus.

 

Yes, people may identify me, “ex ka ni ganito”… “ah, dati ka nang ganyan eh”, “oh, yun trabaho mo?”. People can identify me with the tone of my voice, my age, the way I decide, the way I walk, … but I know, in me… It’s not with the people I hang out with nor my achievements… It’s not by what I have done… but on what Jesus did (Romans 8:1)… it’s all about Jesus, that is my identity.

 

And part of it is the promise of being a new creation. (2 Cor 5:17) The change that is inside flourishing out.

 

I cannot post every verse to ellaborate my identity in Christ. But here’s a helpful link: http://crossinglouisville.com/2009/05/03/our-identity-in-christ/

I wish I never knew you…

…so it wouldn’t be this painful to let you go.

“Save as.”

I recently lost a draft post.

I can’t find it anywhere even in my computer where I recalled copying it in Word for editing.

A reminder: it is important to make back-ups of files that are important…clicking the ‘save as’ button should be a habit be kept.

I shall remind myself of that.

Leftovers?

I had arrived late again.

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Though just in time for the closing prayer and the final stretch of Worship Night at Victory Pioneer when I arrived past eight. Missing out much of the hour earlier left me seeking context and definitely the part when praying within a group about points given out by our pastors.

Catching up on a weekday night event is nothing new for me having a nature of work that has a long story of revisionist history and work clocks out at 7pm, arriving on time seems uncommon. To further explain on this, I shall reserve it for another post. Thank you very much.

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Last quarter or not, I still get to experience God in that final stretch of the evening’s event. Ptr. Robert shared a verse from Psalm 34:8 (NIV), ‘Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.’

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“Taste and see.” He then asked how are we to taste and see the Lord’s goodness. Ptr. Robert made a follow-up connection when then and there it struck me. As he continued, I told Ryan Umaly jokingly, “Paano ‘yan late ako, does that mean I get leftovers?”  Then a grin ran across my face. I admit I thought differently about the verse than what Pastor Robert had explained, I thought of it as a feast whereas since I arrived late at the event…well, you’ll know what’s left over for me – pun intended.

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Within context or not, even if it is a humorous remark, it does not fail me to think that I would arrive to believe that I’d ‘just’ settle for leftovers; even far enough to accept it wholeheartedly. The scheme is simple as it is deceptive, when we tend to look at the circumstance we thus settle for what is ‘left’. In vernacular, “Ang makuntento sa tira-tira.” Also, the thought of expecting little less as the basis of which is of being late. A laughable thought as it is, though poignant as to remind us that we may fall into this lie.

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But God does not work that way, as far as I have known and read. Grace, as I recall is still a free gift that is constantly offered. I had to be prodded again to be reminded of the gift He alone offers.

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Pastor Robert continued explaining the latter part of the verse, “…blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.” and a couple more verses after that of which we’ll save for another post.

For me, it clearly summed up my questions that night. I held silence and grasped the notion of that promise. Pastor Robert further elaborated that it’s not the refuge who dare seeks us but instead we seek refuge in which is with God itself – and with that you are called, ‘blessed.’

sad

Think about it; God would most likely not hand over leftovers to latecomers as to discipline or correct those He loves. His grace overflows and gives out whole-heartedly. Our part would be our response, how we respond despite how long it takes for us to correspond – God waits intently, patiently and with an open heart.

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Go, taste and see that God is good – all the time.

Of Sandwiches and Coffee

Merienda has its highlights; aside from sipping a cup of coffee, munching on a sandwich with mayo in-between had a tangy feel in it.

Pickle relish made the spread sourer that it has been and quite thought-provoking as it is, what came out of my mind was the adjective, tangy.

Tangy [\ˈtaŋ-ē\] is defined as having a taste characteristic of that produced by acids. This prickly feel inside my mouth made the bland taste of bread more interesting as well as an aftertaste after I munched pre-digested pieces of the food and gulped coffee afterwards.

Coffee is usually served by me, to me with quite a spoonful[s] of cream and some sugar. Most of the time, I can’t stand the bitter aftertaste. Inasmuch as I dislike black coffee variants. I’d prefer the sweet drink and get me hyped for a prolonged period of time.

Coffee and sandwiches – now that’s a likeness.

Quite a contrast I should say.

If spoken words are like flavours of foods that we eat, then most of the time we would have to choose what the appetite of our thoughts would ingest. If we speak in term with relationships, most of the time we would exchange spoken words of sweetness and of neutrality – however we choose to speak them. This would be a pretty easy correlation (e.g. spicy as to harsh words, bitter to…well, bitter and tangy? We’ll get there in a moment) and as a take home assignment from me: write down the flavours you know and how we draw a parallel with what we say.

Coffee beans are not the only stuff that you’ll taste bitterly. In the same effect, bitterness lies within our midst and we choose more often to swallow them like a cup or two on a busy afternoon. A grudge taken by your co-worker because you spoke out of turn, a child ingests bitter lies and grows up with him, or me harvesting small amounts of bitter beans till it fills my cup of hate. I could site more examples yet the borderline point is we have the capacity to swallow more bitterness than we could ever ingest. Just like coffee, the aftertaste is too strong as to forget the flavours that went before it.

“See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” Hebrews 12:15 (NIV)

I know what you’re thinking, “If that is so. Then I’d rather choose sweet words than bitter ones.” That would be a likely choice. But if we so to choose carefully our words then we would not be openly tempted to flattery, and flattery is a dangerous thing: “Whoever flatters his neighbor is spreading a net for his feet.” Proverbs 28:25 (NIV)

Flattery recognizes something that is nice, and in turn uses it to bring on pride. Then when the pride comes, so does the fall. If you flatter someone don’t over do it.*

I had deemed my stomach to be quite acidic, and developed a notion that having an intake of more sour foods would result in a breakdown of my digestive system. I enjoyed quite a lot of sour stuff like cry baby gum balls, yakee, kamias, champoy, vinegar… the list goes on and on.

Sour stuff also has a correlation to speech just like with what I had shared earlier. Conversely, we would connect a sour conversation onto a bitter one. Most of the time, it would fall in how each individual’s manner of reacting. Does he/she have a sour face? (e.g. “Umasim ang mukha”) or a sour disposition? The likelihood of the response would generally result into a bitter angst. However, I can be proven wrong as in any case differs with what I would normally observe. But for me, a bitter conversation is bitter. It is plain rage, grief and angst translated to another person however the level of hurt can be delivered. To me, there may be mild bitterness or strong bitterness, but it’s still bitterness! – I write in the context of hurting as we can tolerate the amount of hurt, if we won’t let go of the hurt then the aftertaste is there until it is so much bitter to devour that we will soon vomit all the rage – and that is not a pretty sight.

Rebuke is somewhat like sour words spoken. I may write that sourness pricks the soul, mild or strong, leave the face somewhat beleaguered then relief comes afterwards. No matter how it pierces the heart, the healing comes with it, if we do so to embrace change. Some sour stuff we know are ancient antiseptics.^ Sour stuff is most of the time in small quantities, as a sauce or sometimes taken in as soup. Vomiting due to ingesting too much sour stuff may cause an acidic stomach so we are told to watch what we eat. As do all foods we consume, too much of them are for the health. Likewise, too much spoken of the same thing hurts more than it can resolve.

“An open rebuke is better than hidden love.” (Proverbs 27:5)

“He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue.” Proverbs 28:23 (NIV)

Our response with such conversation matters. Just like how I gulped a piece of sandwich is how we also ingest a rebuke from a fellow believer and savor the change our Maker is longing for us. A rebuke comes in many forms, but truthfully it comes from God. Prov 3:11-12 (NIV) says, “My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.” We are to consume the Word spoken by our Lord, for His joy is our strength and times of refreshing may come.

Merienda indeed has its highlights.

* Source: http://www.theseason.org/proverbs/proverbs29.htm

^ Vinegar as Antiseptic: http://www.discoveriesinmedicine.com/A-An/Antisepsis.html

Do Hard Things. Period.

Just reading the phrase would have made me cringe back then as I entered the second decade of my life. Hard things for me equates to working double-time for double pay and double the stress. Those words translate to me that I have to do twice the effort of my time, energy and ability to receive just what I had worked on, more or less. Negative as it seems, that is what I had in mind growing up, not that I was born with a silver spoon on my mouth but rather just ‘get by’ the life I have and not live up from low expectations. I thought of myself not just once but a couple of times, ‘what do you expect? I’m just a kid.’

A turning point in my life happened that changed all of that, not overnight but a gradual exposure with truths; and that I will forever regret the years wasted looking for a purpose but now boldly looking ahead and taking on life in a significant approach.

I grew up having a mindset that doing hard things was grown-up work, also for the buffed and gruff men. Moreover, admiring the top students of the class for them to earn such recognition and academic excellence, to me, required hard work; Doing hard things, that was the course of action I resolved to not to do and resorted to the trivial. At times, I am up to the challenge though, but just ‘challenges’ that interest me and not the things that I needed to be working on my favor, like solving math problems – even just the easy ones! Or learning to play a musical instrument, it never would have dawned on me to exert extra effort on such because excuses took the best of me.

I dreamt of big things too. My ambition when I was young at age was to become an air force or airline pilot, then a doctor, then a scientist, as an astronomer and even as a film-maker. However, circumstances eventually slain the ideas one by one and again settling on what I have and groaned about what I lack.

Having those mindsets of just focusing on what interests me, that is – art, drawing, writing, books, at times, going outdoors and yes, video games, computers and other gadgetry did not really make me an unsuccessful person, but it only limited me to what people can expect from me. I can show aptitude in writing as well as repairing and assembling computers but any other beyond what I can expound I shunned off. Did I try once? Yes. Tried again? Often, not. Try really harder? Hard work, hard stuff, hard thing. Not my league.

Evaluating myself, I’d say I do a certain hard task when I am in a group. Group effort seems to wield my ability to try hard, do hard. A group would compensate my rather slim build when it comes to carrying loads physically and mentally. I learn constantly from people and being in utmost support generally yields my understanding. However, when the task is finished, or left undone; the group sets off, disbands and no one else left as tasks or even objectives are complete – it all fades out. I seldom took hold of other groups just to keep the company, only to find that we would rather find trivial and menial appealing than our true potential that we saw having lackluster at that point.

It was only then I realized that I was never afraid of doing hard things, just the thought that it is ‘hard’ vexed me into thinking that I am unable to do it; and it laid a trap for me to be complacent with what I had for the moment and seriously regret the years that I should have worked on, at least, with what I really wanted; until I gave my life to Jesus. He is my perfecter, my strength and reason to continue. Jesus gave me the purpose in life based on what He is able to do and not just because of the choices I made in the past that shaped me, He made me completely new. And from that onset, my hope lies in He who gives me strength, peace and love.

“…we chose to do hard things because Jesus has done the hardest thing.” Do Hard Things, p. 229 by Brett and Alex Harris got that right. Experiencing the love of God in a personal matter shifts your perspective of doing hard things. That is the core of the book, to rise-up from low expectations imposed by the society, by our family and even amongst ourselves.

What is awe-inspiring about the book ‘Do Hard Things’ is not only a book for Christian youth or any Christian reader, the book also addresses to the youths like me, who are very much afraid to do hard things because they gave up, and gave in to complacency at any age. The book, though its by-word is ‘rebellion’ teaches that rising up against low expectations and that what instigates that is realizing truths about God as well as applying practical tips to young readers for them to enact. True to its objective, the book inflicts the society of today as a harbinger of mediocrity that in subtlety poisons the mind of the youth to nothing more than helpless young adults as they enter their formative years. I may not have experienced that much, but I now relate to such culture that OK is OK, and that there is no longer black or white.

The book conveys such relative information on how I as an adult correlate to the younger generation, on how they keep their fire for God and that the backfire would only be breaking mindsets that may as well tear them down. Such discretion from youth that upholds high standards and godly character is something to uphold to. How I long for our generation to have realized that, and how I pray and tell the next to grasp this principle.

The ability for us to do hard things can only be fueled by God, other than that we may all have wound up in frustration, from the book itself, I realized it is never too late to expect high from ourselves and do and do and try and never give up on doing hard things. Whether or not you have outgrown your teen years, or you are making the most of it, the underlying message for us is to ‘do hard things.’ Period.

Epic Fail? [To stress a point again...]

I was at it again.

My Thursday dawned as a day to beat tasks except I wasn’t prepared for an impending moment of fail. Who would? I was so focused on finishing my work that morning that having another task besides the one in progress is upsetting me in ways that I lose track of things. I do multi-tasking almost in every aspect of what I do – even as I write this article, yet I must say that I wasn’t paying much attention on the trivial nor I am not proud of the outcome, however, tragedy turns into nothing more than what I call happenstance yet in the backhand, God is working through me and for me in that dire situation.

I was busy over the computer finishing four Power Point presentations, editing three Word-filed forms and two Excel files to be printed out during lunch time. The phone rang and I was expecting my lady boss to check on my work status but it was my co-worker that asked me a favor the other day for a tarp design. I agreed in that part since I was working at home for the past few days and a simple ‘Now Open’ sign was all he needed.

Caught up in a rush, I wasn’t paying much in detail of what he was talking over the phone. All I can say is, ‘Yes, sir’ repeatedly to assure that I’d get the job done.  I was told to send the file to the tarp printing company and do follow-ups with the job until he comes over the office, my co-worker was polite enough to let me know he was asking a favor and sure enough that I never let anyone know how busy I am although in fact that I am busy at the moment.

After the conversation, I quickly got to what he requested. “A simple edit.” That was what I had in mind when trying to pop open the file while browsing for the appropriate background color of his choice while doing back-and-forth tasks with other programs. Good thing my office computer held up for the job if it didn’t, I’d freak out and groan more than I had that day. The desk was also cluttered with paper with penned out revisions of my boss a day before and a couple more requests from co-workers of the accounting department; talk about a queasy day in the office. Oh, and did I say I was eating breakfast all at the same time?

Finishing the design, and exporting it to a graphic file format that would be readable by the printer then prepared new mail by my email service provider and keying-in the details they want for production. I entered in the box provide the name of the recipient, specified the quantity and the size of the tarpaulin – I could not remember. So I had to re-open the file and had a quick look at it then key-in the size specifications then hit on ‘sent’ and continued what I was doing for a while that day.

I stood up to make frequent phone calls to the printing company if they had received the file and reiterate what to do. Sure enough they called back to confirm my inquiries, the job was in production.

Lunchtime came and I was able to finish all assignments with minor revision held in the way. My co-worker came in as I pore over animation and transitions of every slide presentation. He asked, “Mac, ano? Okay na ba?” I veered towards the query and replied that they had already begun production earlier and that by later that night or the next day will he be able to get the tarps. He was somewhat relieved as I was and assurance of a ‘job-well-done’ was said by both of us.

An hour past my phone call to the company, he asked how much would he pay for the tarp print. I told him a measly amount since it had stuck in my mind the size similar to our previous tarps. He agreed and when an SMS from the tarp printing company came, we were stunned by the cost! I racked up my mind and told him repeatedly that I gave them the proper size, although he did neither have any idea what the size in numbers was nor its length in reality. I restated the size and I admit I was panicky, unsure, stressed out, stubborn that I was sure and queasy with the workload. Oh, and did I mention I had not had lunch yet?

Another SMS and my co-worker approached me the third time asking why the cost was that huge, he asked repeatedly what was the size of the tarp. I told him, “12 feet by four.” He replied, “Mac, 12 by 4 ba talaga?” Then it dawned in me…

FAIL.

I wasn’t paying close attention. When what was supposed to be just a 2 feet by 4 feet tarp had magnified into 12’ x 4’. What was supposed to be just two hundreds worth of tarp set had gone up a hundred percent because of the size.

FAIL.

I was in no condition at that time. Famished, nauseous, back hurts a lot, time pressure and from my boss, distractions from co-workers amongst other things. I had reasons to be at fault. I groaned and murmured at that time. Yet the damage had been done.

I scrambled to do damage control. I called up the print company hoping the tarps weren’t printed out yet, or at least just one of them. I thought earlier that they may have had delays and since lunchtime approached breaks was effective. But it didn’t, it turned out all the tarps needed were printed out.

FAIL.

I apologize profusely to my co-worker, bargaining that I pay half of the amount for the moment and eventually shoulder the entire job. Disappointment ran through my face, I tried to make a straight one but it rang frustration from the dilemma it showed into action. I was caught in a storm I admit I should have changed sail earlier and avoided it, stubborn enough not to notice the predicament beforehand. Distracted by looking at is as a trivial matter with what I thought I focused on as a big one. I gloated over my lack and the failure it had berthed upon, I landed face down and groaned at my disability.

“Okay lang yan, Mac.” My co-worker assured me as he stretched his arms on both directions signifying a long stretch of tarpaulin, “Twelve feet? Gaano kalaki yun?” I could not look directly at his face; I just replied that I had not brought my meter tape to verify that though knowing at the back of my mind it was long!

I groaned again, telling myself what have I done and sets of “Oh no’s” were heard echoing my mouth. Apologies came after most times, he assured me that it was all okay and though he snickered, my co-worker was rather emphatic and optimistic that I was so blinded by my mistake he maintained level-headedness in the situation. He told me that I don’t have to pay and thanked me at the end of the job well-done and as a friend, he is willing to overlook at the mishap.

I thought to myself, that was the end of it. “Oh, Lord. I’m so sorry.” I groaned under my breath.

FAIL?

Not.

Still fresh from the disdain I had earlier and revisions are coming in left and right, a friend had sent a message over Yahoo! Messenger telling me that we won from a recent promo I had joined in over the Internet. I checked my email and surprised that it was all true to believe; I won and was the last on the list. Adequate enough to tell that my recent gloom was replaced by joy when words meant that way and I was; I really was.

Apologetic much as my co-worker was about to leave the office, I was relieved to get be informed that I was to take another side project outside the company. My boss knew about it and I got a favor of taking it. Later, I was able to finish the tasks for the day and I spent my remaining hour in the office arranging to get the book I had for a prize; I was able to get it afterward – talk about being excited . I spent the evening helping out our pastor, Armin with his preaching the next day. He offered me a choice of his powdered drinks and a mug for me to sip our worries that night. I did agree on helping him edit some videos the next day. We headed to the local ‘TAPSIHAN’ for dinner and discussed about daily travails in the youth ministry, grabbed a recent favorite Mountain Dew Supernova and headed home.

The memory of the day earlier had lost that night, I know I was blessed not just the material things or the favor I get from people. I know I’m blessed because God is teaching me and not rating my performance to whether how much will He opt to give me, He doesn’t. I slept that night with a prayer that He give me strength the next day and guide me not to lose focus on things needed to be carried out.

I woke the next day with a surprise.

Pardon me as I write in verbatim the SMS I received early that morning.

“Mac,ur a genius! Ok lang yung tarp. Kasya lang sa entrance ng garahe.ü it’s perfect. thanks!”

That made my day. Knowing that out of an EPIC FAIL, good comes out; out of every mishap, blessings are still being given. Grace. It works that way.

Let me just reiterate three verses from Lamentations chapter 3, verses 21 to 23 from the NIV:

Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

New as the morning calls forth; grace works. Even if it’s a free book, a dinner treat from a close friend, an early birthday surprise or greeting, a delicious cake or a thirst-quenching soda – it is grace.
Whether it is a favor from a boss, a loving comfort and understanding from a parent, the sweet rays of the sun that dry your washed clothes hung up by a clothespin – it is grace.

Grace so amazing and never dying is God’s love for you and me.

As I end, the reason that I wrote ‘to be continued’ in my earlier post was the intention that I dwell on another topic other than what was written here. Then it came to my realization that as we may close a chapter or a book in our lives, God’s plan for you and me is a continuous narrative waiting to be written by our choice, faith and God’s grace.

We are a work in progress…

To be continued…

To Stress A Point

This is a short notice. But I guess it wouldn’t be.

And it came all of a sudden. Unexpected. Uncanny. Untamed.

What I had in mind for that day didn’t turn out the way I had hoped for. What the sunshine had offered to complete my day is replaced by the storm brewing inside my head – and it already started to take wind over me.

“Ahhh…the sun is up.” I held up as the rays greet me every morning. “This will indeed be a great day.”

One moment I was swelling up from excitement and am optimistic enough to experience a time of my life has to offer, plans for the day had been laid out discreetly over thought, set out to embrace tasks that make me as I am. Go through the day as quick and smooth as possible and yet, abrupt requests have to be dealt, what was scheduled the next day became today’s deadline. That seems to be every week’s trend, circumstances dragged me to a pitfall where glee puffs out and pessimism is gripped wholeheartedly.

This happens to anybody. One time you are cool at the moment the next circumstances will weigh you down. People put you down in a moment of despair, they sometimes add up to your dilemma and multiply the demand for you; there would be no room to divide the tasks and subtract the workload, results may vary within every ample minute to decide and scamper to do damage control. Previous plans get ignored; they are replaced by the burden of the trivial – more often than not, crises.

When you plan of walking through fields of lilies on any day, reality may play a prank on you and find yourself walking over pebbles barefoot. Life is not fair; irony speaks of a lesson noteworthy and in sobriety: ‘You cannot abruptly change the situation and those within it but you can change your attitude that fits well for the outcome of circumstance.’

Pressure is double-edged; it breeds stress and yet it is an opportunity for growth. You and I may have different areas that we experience pressure but I know for the fact that we are constantly involved in pressure and there is an underlying purpose for it.

I, for one, agree on the quote, ‘grace under pressure.’ Such quote has been implied on me on the past and is being a topic of discussion on our weekly admin/staff meeting. I also agree on what my boss quoted to elaborate more on the former, ‘Pressure makes people creative – in more ways than one they will find the way for a solution.’ He speaks in business sense – he speaks of a person with tact, who knows that there is an open-ended solution in a seemingly close-ended situation. He tells of a person shrewd enough to get by the dilemma and finish the task no matter how many get involved, the end result must be plausible and productive. A resourceful person so to speak, corporate leaders look for such street-wise, jack-of-all-trades to do most rough work. They may seem admirable, yet for certain areas I would disagree.

Don’t get me wrong, I give esteem to a ‘Swiss knife’ type of person but deliberately be off when motives arose. Such person only thinks of a way to get by impasse by using people more than equipment, uses subtle and kind words and agrees upon compromising deals one after another.

Seems to be a likeable fellow, eh? Would you think the principle of such person be emulated for any of us to prevail in careers and in life?

If you have Jesus, you would think otherwise.

Philippians 2:4-5
Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.

Yes, when you follow Christ, you follow Christ. You know what He has done is to please God the Father and not the people around Him. He too like all of us was subjected to stress and pressure when He spent His life on earth. Jesus wants us to have not just a meager character change in an area of our life but to not just adapt but have the attitude of Him who modeled and makes life.

So if Jesus had been subjected to stress and overcame it, how and where does the ‘grace’ under intense pressure come from?

The answer lies from the ever dependence of our Lord with God which He modeled out for us to emulate. We should see that God is as close as that of a Sunday and in a work desk in the wee hours at night of Thursday. We all have to stand in God’s word, have the attitude of Jesus that pleases God.
You acknowledge that ‘…God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.’ As it is said in 2 Corinthians 9:8

You acknowledge that you cannot do it alone;
Psalm 28, verse 6: Praise be to the LORD,
for he has heard my cry for mercy.

You ask and trust God for strength and protection;

Verse 7: The LORD is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to him in song.

You give thanks and proclaim His grace and love to you;

Verse 8: The LORD is the strength of his people,
a fortress of salvation for his anointed one.

Grace is still being given to those who ask for and don’t. I don’t know, God is just like that – pouring His grace over all of us! That’s how He loves us so much! I just know that ‘grace’ here at work is complimentary to my faith with the Lord.

As I write, stress is still present, hoping and planning for a stress-free the next day. Furthermore, the intended pressures for tomorrow’s deadline have not gone from me – I still have to beat them! Or else…But I know one thing, two things actually… That God is strong, and He loves me. (Paraphrase of Psalm 62:11-12)

To be continued…

Testing…1…2…3

We view tests as trials – a challenge, so to speak. Test is defined as ‘trying something to find out about it’. To verify something, to show a certain characteristic when being tested; to achieve results either a guarantee of success or the presence of failure.

Tests happen at times; most of the time. We are constantly being tested either to reveal a character flaw or to bring us to the higher level. Schools hand out test papers to determine their students’ aptitude; companies evaluate their employees and applicants for efficiency in workplace. A court trial is called such because of the way to resolve who among the pleas are true and justice be served.

However, tests defined aforementioned are for human progress and not for us to be beleaguered by the thought of experiencing tests; embrace tests in such a way that they acknowledge that you are a maturing person rather than groan over it. Tests are for our growth. But to test our Creator is another thing.

Deuteronomy 6:16 Do not test the LORD your God as you did at Massah.

To put the Lord to the test spells, ‘disobedience.’ Harsh but the gravity of sin echoes even in this lifetime and we tend to excuse ourselves from it. We are born with sin not born to sin – because we are born for God. Since then He never fails to reach towards us giving everything that we need. But then again as we reflect over the context of the verse, it tells of the Israelites setback in trusting God – provision.

Then again there’s irony in life, and truth that is so amazes me. Simple, a just God never tolerates compromise of allowing our selfishness go over His perfect will; yet if you go further the history of the people of Israel, the prophet Malachi spoke the Word of God,

“Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.” (Malachi 3:10)

The Lord telling His people to put Him in a test; I could imagine this as a shock to the Jews of that time for they were oppressed by invading countries, robbed them of their homes and almost lost their identity from which they whole-heartedly follow the books left by Moses. The words spoken or maybe written may have been an eye-opener to some and followed rigidly the act of tithing to gain God’s provision for their lives. Noticeably are a group of people from the Israelites that take heart and heed in giving the tenth, tenacity at its finest.

“Woe to you Pharisees, because you give God a tenth of your mint, rue and all other kinds of garden herbs, but you neglect justice and the love of God. You should have practiced the latter without leaving the former undone.” Luke 11:42

What does God tell of the test? Does it really involve only for provision? Does God invite us so that we could score high on tithing? Can we bend His arm for our needs to be met?

I’d beg to differ.

Probably because, not that God grew tired of Israel at that time or to us for He never grows tired –ever! What seems to be a ‘challenge’ for Him would actually be ‘urging’ from His part, don’t you think?

God might have been urging the Israelites, “Come on! Just trust me! I will never fail you! I will never leave you nor forsake you! Come on! Trust me in this!”

Trust – is all He wants.

Love is all He gives and never ceases to supply that – even provision.

“Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.” Lamentations 3:22